The thick upper arm
As Máxima sleeveless next to Wim-Lex waving at the entire Dutch population, I first think: you rock, and then I feel a little sting. Yes, that of jealousy to be exact. Nothing is actually wobbling and swaying around the upper arms with her. Now I understand that if three-quarters of your day consists of waving, those upper arm muscles (biceps, right, Simoon?) are quite well developed. But still, I don't think it's fair.
When I wave at someone in my enthusiasm without protection a.k.a. the sleeve, there is a process that precedes it. I raise my right hand in the air, grab the chicken breast under my right arm with my left, and make a waving gesture. By the way, every woman with flabby arms recognizes that movement, let's just name them because that's what they are. Another optional scenario if you have a bit too much mass in that position: you press your upper arm super tight against your body and wave modestly. Now I am of the exuberant kind, so the latter never really works out neatly for me. Finally, the Heu. Now you might be thinking: wtf is the Heu? Well, I come from an island with a strong dialect. And there, men greet each other with ‘Heu’ and a hand in the air or, if your image is established, a sort of one and a half fingers. Nothing is moved in the upper arm there. It's a bit rustic to do that as a woman, but no one catches you on having too much body part swaying out of sync with you.
Going sleeveless in a photo is also a process, it's quite a puzzle to get that little chop looking nice black on white. My tactic is to squeeze myself to the side or in between everyone. On the left or right, you can strategically nibble a bit of the image (and the upper arm) away. And if you're standing between colleagues or friends, you conceal that tremendous upper arm with a slender body in front of it. Yes, I am quite cunning when it comes to my socializers.
In short: I adore the sun, but I prefer to do that with sleeves. The modest cap doesn't work (I think), because it emphasizes the thickest part. But there is also good news, because we can't do anything about it. Kiek and I. She suggested that I write a piece about this issue. Then you also immediately know what she thinks of your upper arm. It's a hormonal thing and we are of the cortisol kind. This type of person collects fat deposits in times of stress. But seriously? Then you flip out because your agenda can't handle your appointments or is Kiki in a Panic and then you get this. Punishment. It can also be due to exhaustion of the body from sports, but I have a strong suspicion that this is not the case for me. Another extra check to find out if you belong to our cortisol rolls: cravings. Pieces of chocolate or impressive amounts of salty snacks. Say ‘ouch’ if you secretly recognize this.
But after all those waving parts, there is also good news. You can influence it by working on your cortisol level. I know: three minutes ago you only thought you had a present upper arm and now I'm rambling about your cortisol level. But fast carbohydrates are a no-go and too much caffeine is out of the question. Hooray, I have too much upper arm and I can't have anything delicious anymore. What is a boost is that you shouldn't exercise too much, as in a maximum of 4 to 5 times a week for about 30 minutes. That comes effortlessly to me.
Well, I'm going to enjoy my cup of coffee and well-shaped upper arms in the sun, because brown makes you look slimmer optically. And if you see a quirky gesture that looks like a ‘Heu’, then you know where it comes from.
Credits: Brooke Cagle
