Why a break-up in your twenties is good for you

Heartbreak is definitely high on my list of the most annoying (I actually wanted to write a curse word here but let's keep it classy) things you can experience. And unrequited love (which is unreturned love, but that sounds so boring), you can find that there too. But given, that is often also a reason for a relationship break-up. And although I really want to avoid clichés when it comes to love (or just clichés in general), I’m throwing one in anyway. Because how do you deal with heartbreak? Then time really does heal all wounds.

Once long ago, I genuinely thought my high school boyfriend and I were forever. That we would get married, have kids, the whole shebang. But we decided it was not meant to be. I still remember very well that my mother made a comment back then that it was good for me to be single, to date other men, to see what fun (and less fun) things are out there. And honestly? She was right.

I still find it romantic when I hear stories of people who are still blissfully happy with their first loves. Hopeless romantic even, and also really rare. But a break-up (or multiple) in your twenties isn’t so bad after all. And here’s why:

You discover who you are

This is the decade in which you really become an adult. You probably just finished your studies (or are almost done), you get your first real job, financially you suddenly have to take care of yourself and you are confronted for the first time with the horror of the Tax Office. A break-up helps you mature emotionally, because you go from a high point through a deep valley and learn to deal with your own emotions. Have you had a few failed relationships? Then there’s a good chance you at least have a clear idea of who you really are as a person. Your values, your strengths… You definitely don’t need that ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ stuff anymore.

‘your twenties are your selfish years’

You find out what you are looking for in a partner… and what you are not looking for

My hardest break-up was when I was 25. He had his doubts about whether we were right for each other, I wanted nothing more than to leave the city where I had stayed for him. So we parted our ways. With a lot of sadness, because even though you shouldn’t see it that way, ending a relationship feels like a failure. But still, every relationship and every loser you date in your twenties is worth it, because through trial and error you find out what makes you the happiest and what it is that you are looking for in a partner for life. So, to borrow some words from Kanye West: ‘let’s have a toast for the douchebags, let’s have a toast for the a**holes, let’s have a toast for the scumbags.’ Cheers.

You are stronger than you think

Something about mending your own broken pieces. Yes, I’m back here with a cliché. But anyways, you and your boy are broken up. You feel ka-uu-tee, you think your world is falling apart. But hey girl, you made it. You picked up all those pieces beautifully and rebuilt them, to your own liking and you’re still here. Better than ever. Without all the bad, you never learn to appreciate the good (ding ding ding, three times cliché is ship's right). And you know that better than anyone now.

See, there’s a reason people always say: ‘Your twenties are your selfish years.’ Make use of it (or abuse it).