Why saying ‘no’ is anything but selfish
“But the neighbor is turning 53! You can at least go for a bit?”
“Are you going home already? Just one more drink then?”
“Do you maybe have time on Sunday to help me move?”
Honestly: you just think ‘no’ to everything. And yet you feel like a really selfish jerk if you would firmly say ‘no’ to all the above situations. In fact, for saying no you almost have to justify yourself nowadays. Just an evening at home on the couch? Why not? Sometimes I really wonder why people are always so incredibly good at putting social pressure on others. I used to say ‘yes’ to everything. If I was invited to a party that I was sure wouldn’t be, uh, my kind of party? I was there. Something with overtime? No problemo. A friend in need? Woohoo, Kiki the help desk at your service.
All nice and well, but I couldn’t even remember the last time I had taken a bath. Read a book. Stared sheepishly in the train instead of hastily reading a document. Dived into the kitchen for a sweet treat. Painted my toenails. Had a pamper evening including a face mask and Netflix. Gave a massage to my love. And then I think something is not quite right.
Just an evening at home on the couch? Why not? Sometimes I really wonder why people are always so incredibly good at putting social pressure on others.
Now, of course, I was way too busy with all sorts of spectacular things lately: the launch of our first print magazine for example, the Look of the Year Awards, backstage peeking at musical The Bodyguard, a press trip to ski area Val di Fassa, dinners with friends I hadn’t seen in way too long, visiting family… Actually just fun stuff, but then when one of my best friends asked: “And when do you take your moments of rest?” it got quiet for a moment. I knew she wouldn’t settle for the answer: “When I sleep, an average of about 6.5 hours a night.” And rightly so. Only then did I realize: I SAY ‘YES’ TO EVERYTHING. Whether it’s out of enthusiasm, FOMO, or guilt: yes it is. And that’s not so bad in itself, but if you say so many ‘yes’ that you actually secretly say ‘no’ to yourself and therefore create zero me-time, then it’s time to take action.
Are you hesitating to say no? Then ask yourself these three questions from now on:
Does it help me when I say ‘yes’?
Do I simply get something out of this myself? And if the answer is ‘yes’, also consider whether you would miss a lot if you didn’t go.
Does this person need an explanation?
Do you have a good relationship with someone you’re saying ‘no’ to or is it your employer? Then you can always explain why not. If this person is a total stranger, then a simple ‘no’ is more than enough.
Would I enjoy saying ‘no’ right now?
If the answer is secretly ‘yes’, then you’re just going to do that. Not for everything of course, everyone has to do less fun things sometimes, but you can really feel what you can and cannot do. And what you especially cannot do is continuously put yourself last. So print it in your head: saying no is saying YES to yourself. Go for it, girl.
By the way, if you want to know exactly how to say ‘no’ in difficult situations? Then just read these lessons from May.
