Why you are obsessed with your partner's ex

Admit it, you have a new man in your life, you finally had the ‘DTR talk’ and decided to go all in with each other, and yet you can't help but peek at your beloved's ex. You even find yourself weekly on her Instagram account, have seen every publicly available photo on Facebook – yes, even the one from when she was still in a relationship with your guy. Does this sound familiar? Don't worry too much, this happens very often, but know that it has to do with a kind of insecurity you have in your relationship, and you need to work on that.‘ American psychologist Michael Brustein indicates that some people can be so jealous of their partner's ex that it becomes a kind of obsession. Even if you know that your partner is completely over his ex, you still can't help but regularly check her social media to give yourself a sort of pep talk that you are much better, more fun, and more attractive than she is.

This has everything to do with your own insecurities, says Dr. Brustein, and with the fact that you are not yet completely comfortable in the relationship, but it can also be triggered by your partner. ‘Sometimes a partner can provoke your insecurities if they are somehow.

still connected to their ex – consciously or unconsciously. So when you already feel that there are things missing in you, that jealousy is triggered by every comment.’  Good news: often this feeling disappears quickly, but it can also sabotage your relationship if you linger in it for too long. What you really need to keep in mind according to Dr. Brustein is that she is really part of his past. ’It’s important to remember that people develop over the years and that someone who once seemed like a suitable partner in someone’s past no longer fits in the present – and who does fit is you. Your partner's ex is an ex for a reason: something in the relationship didn’t work.’

Instead of being jealous of that ex, you should actually‘

be very grateful for the fact that she is his ex , otherwise you wouldn't be together now. Who they are now is influenced by what they have learned from their previous relationship(s) so, like I just said: be grateful for that ex. And stop consciously seeking her out, you’re better than that., Admit it, you have a new man in your life, you finally had the ‘DTR talk’ and decided to go all in...

Source: Refinery29