Fun & Famous

The 6-step plan to stay friends with your ex

Yes, it can. I am living proof that you can stay friends with your ex. Of course, it largely depends on what kind of break-up you had. So did you have a break-up from hell because of a jerk who cheated on you? Get rid of him. You don't want someone like that on your friends list. Ideally, you send him to the island of exes Rob, but even Bertie's little paradise is too good for him. Sometimes you decide to break up, not because something happened, but just because you realize that you are not the right match in love. You’re just much better off as friends. Period.

Coincidentally, two of my best friends are both exes of mine. At my twenty-seven young years, I have had two real boyfriends. The first was my high school sweetheart. I was sixteen when we started dating and twenty-one when we decided to break up. We both lived in Paris, but then he moved to America for his studies and I moved to the Netherlands. Put two and two together and you get a break-up. I'm just not made for a long-distance relationship and neither was he. Of course, distance played a big role in the fact that we could easily stay friends – you don't just run into him on the street, you don't see him with other girls... But even without distance, it's doable. My other old love and I didn't break up because we weren't crazy about each other, but because we both knew damn well that this just wasn't it. We decided not to go through life as a couple anymore, but that didn't mean we had to become enemies right away, did it?

So as a proponent of team boyfriend-becomes-ex-becomes-best-friend, here are some tips from me for you:

1 Give each other enough space

Don't think you can be best friends right after the break-up. Give each other the space to process the split, to do fun things with friends, to get used to the single life. Give each other a breather, and as soon as you both have found your peace again, meet up for a coffee.

2 Also take distance from his social media accounts

Don't go snooping around to see who is new in his Facebook friends list and who he has started following on Instagram. New ladies in his lists don't necessarily mean they are his new flings. Save yourself an unnecessary shitty feeling and just avoid those accounts.

3 Let him date others

And so I come to point 3: jealousy is human. Perhaps those new additions to his friends list are indeed new flings. Let him. Everyone has the right to a rebound. Of course, it's never fun to see the guy who used to be yours with someone else. But don't act like a crazy ex-girlfriend. You are no longer together, so he doesn’t owe you anything. It would be pretty hypocritical if you can meet up with others and he can't, right?.

4 Don't introduce him every time as your ex

That's really unnecessary. Yes, he is your ex, but your ex was also born with a first name. Avoid potential awkwardness with others by using phrases like ‘This is my ex.’ or: ‘Can I introduce you to my ex?’. That's information that can always be shared later.

5 Don't treat your friendship like a relationship

Has he not responded to your message? Did he decide to go out with his friends instead of chilling with you and watching these series? When you were still a couple, it was okay to be mad about this. But hey, you are no longer together, remember? So getting mad is no longer allowed. Oh, and arguments and squabbles from the past? Don't bring them up every time. It’s in the past, leave it there.

6 Keep it casual and fun

Sex with your ex? Well, uh, do you want to stay friends? Don't do it. Emotions get involved and it gets messy. Meeting occasionally for coffee, a glass of wine, or a bite to eat somewhere? Why not? Make sure it stays nice and casual, platonic, and stress-free.

So dear old flame of mine (you know who you are), when are we having another drink?