Together for a hundred years?

For a long time, I felt like ‘Ewart's new girlfriend’. Because love felt so fresh, I think. Only when all his friends had found new loves and I suddenly became the ‘class elder’, did I dare to accept it a bit: he and I. That had been going on for a while and would last for a while longer too. In the meantime, we are sixteen years, three children, three houses, and a dog further, and my heart still skips a beat when I hear him putting the key in the lock. Life with him is just more fun. I have written once about sex when you've been together for a long time, but sex has a preliminary stage. Having fun with each other. And that, you do it like this. I think, huh.

1. Wave each other off

When we had just moved into our house and I, as I do every day, waved my sweetheart off, my neighbor asked: ‘Is he going away for long?’ I answered a bit surprised: ‘Uh no, he'll be back tonight.’ But she apparently thought the exuberant waving suited a trip. Well, not for us. Wave until you're out of sight, preferably with children beside you and the dog in your arms. And hand kisses, that too.

2. Know what the other needs

I still remember organizing our first children's party. I did everything wrong. Too many children, too few (spectacular) activities (kids these days can't be entertained with apple bobbing and sack racing anymore, but I didn't know that then) and a time frame that was way too long (you should definitely not overestimate the attention span of preschoolers). While I was frantically gathering all the cake plates, my beloved handed me a paper children's cup. The contents were my favorite wine. ‘I think you needed this.’

3. Sing together

Not that we're in a choir, but playing records (nowadays Sonos-ing or Spotify-ing) and singing along very loudly (he drums along too), occasionally lifting a child and dancing around the room with them; that's when you're happy, you know. I remember a dinner at friends of ours. They had come up with the plan to buy a boat and were completely over the moon. When we left at the end of the evening and took our bikes from the lock, we saw them dancing around the room. It doesn't get more beautiful than that. And it really didn't get better, because ultimately this couple did break up... Maybe they should have danced more often...

4. Do your best

After all these years, I find it a wonderfully reassuring thought that he has seen me in all my forms. Giving birth, stressed, relaxed, intensely sad, and like last week at my absolute worst with two swollen, inflamed eyes (the HELL, but more on that another time), but still I try, no matter how miserable the situation is, to make the best of it. A nice scent, brushed hair, a cute dress, brushing teeth. It's not that hard, but it is appreciated.

5. Go away together

At least two weekends a year. It should be a doctor's prescription. We call it our SSS weekends. Sleeping, shopping, and youknowwhat without a child scratching at your door.

6. Assume the best

Nothing gets better from whining. ‘You were probably with...’ and ‘Why were you home so late?’ is better replaced by ‘Did you have fun?’ and ‘Did you get kicked out of the pub?’. Then coming home is a lot more pleasant and you won't have such a sour face. If you really find something annoying, then discuss it once, at another time. Constructively and solution-oriented.

7. This is the forbidden word

What you should never say is ‘always’. And ‘never’ is also better not to use. ‘You are always late, you are always drunk, you never do anything in the household.’ Such an accusation is so big that the other person can't help but go on the defensive. Moreover, you immediately appear weak, because the other will immediately bring up a moment when he did empty the dishwasher. Not smart, then. Better to say: ‘I would appreciate it if you occasionally empty the dishwasher.’ For my part, you can say it again on the same day. Men are not the worst, but they have, how shall I put it, a slightly different nose when it comes to household chores.

8. Choose the most fun

Also not entirely unimportant. Do a lot of fieldwork (have you ever calculated your sex coefficient?) and choose the absolute most fun. Then it works even if you apply the above tips to your Isabel Marant boots.