“I no longer dare to say that I eat everything”

The waiter was tugging at his buttoned-up collar, getting warm from it. In his left hand a long list, with a pen at the ready in his right. Whether we could pay attention for the big check. ‘I have one gluten-free, an allergy to shellfish, another gluten but then poor, three vegan, two vegetarian, five prefer-not-to-eat-meat and a lactose-intolerant.” I nearly spat my sip of Chardonnay onto my amuse-bouche which, I think, was free of everything.

If I could have secretly slid off my chair under the table, I would have done it. You sit down with a star chef, you immediately put him in handcuffs, poor chef. But that was then, and now, now I sometimes almost dare not say that I eat everything, contains no allergies and am free from intolerance to anything. You should know that Amsterdam is the stronghold of the vegan empire. Nowhere is the ratio vegan restaurants versus residents so favorable as here. We get confused by a menu without scribbled salad leaves behind your options. You eat burgers at a classified burger joint, just in case, because imagine having to confront 180 grams of something-that-once-mooed on your plate. And we spend hundreds of euros annually to ensure that our nuts have never come into contact with anything that could be animal. And me? I eat meat, eggs and buy nuts without knowing the country of origin. I should be ashamed. I think. Right?!

Actually, you could say that I am an endangered species in this vegan-vegetarian jungle. Rare even. I foresee a rise of hotspots where you can freely devour everything. Where you don’t look around before you shovel something meat-related into your mouth. Where they gluten, lactose, animal, but just everything (imagine) arranged on one plate. Where the chef stands stoned with happiness behind the pans. Where hosts and hostesses swirl through the place without a notepad.

P.S.: By the way, I really try. I just told my boyfriend that I was happy with my existence as a flexitarian. His response? Whether I could please act normal quickly, he asked, because we are just those types who appreciate a burger from time to time, just like a piece of salmon and also sometimes just go for the vegetables. Nothing wrong with that, doesn’t need a name. He’s right.