KIKI’S TEMPTATION ISLAND BRABBELS
Episode 13
First of all: goddamn, it's going to be hot today, delicious. Maybe you have to drag yourself to the office with sweaty buttocks, maybe you are one of the lucky few who is currently searching for a towel and picnic basket. Either way, the weekend is almost here. And you can bet we’re going to kick it off with a gigantic bang. Episode 12 was meh, but in 13 it got dirty old-fashioned again. Starting with a power outage that everyone seemed to benefit from suspiciously well. Seatbelts fastened? Time to babble.
1. Okay wait. WHUT? I watch one second of episode 13 and everything is already going wrong. Debralémas KISSES with ‘Sjino’? Are you kidding me? A small round of applause for that slippery eel, I definitely didn’t see that coming.
2. Gino is actually pretty handy as a lover. Always a mirror at hand. #NeverSeenSuchShinyForehead. #WhyDoYouThinkIHaveAPony.
3. But hey, power outage my ass, you get that. ‘Coincidentally’ the cameras were running on batteries. Yeah yeah, sure. And if there’s someone here who turned out to be too dumb to poop again, it was Mezdi.
4. HOOOOOOLY SHIT. That guy is not right. He is REALLY not right. He kisses Denise, she tells other people and he casually walks up to her to ask where she gets that nonsense from? ‘I just spoke to you for two minutes and I’ve spotted six lies,’ said Mr. Liar. Hey Mez, you little psychopath, COOCoo!
5. Meanwhile, Fabri and Daan are licking peanut rocks in the shower. You can just hear him say it again: ‘I think my hôôôgtepunt still has to kôôôômen.‘ Slobberslobber. Soak. Chit-chat.
6. Meanwhile, Kevin is emerging as Holland’s Next Rolmops. I suddenly crave sausage rolls. ‘Sorry mama.’
7. Fabrizio finally realizes that the women don’t want to be touched by him with a stick yet and immediately comes up with a clever counter-strategy. ‘You have an eyelash hanging on your wââââng.‘ Good opening line, dude.
8. Tim is meanwhile being dissed by Cherish, who sneaks him away under the pretense of ‘girls night‘. But THANKFULLY her nightgown was still there, buddy! ’So I slept under her nightgown… I didn’t put it on, okay?‘ Not? Would look better than those fluorescent pants.
9. Pajamas. Nightgown. Negligee. Morning clothes. Man, you can call it a sex outfit if you want, I’m not the hardest to please. But NIGHTGOWN? That would really give me a dry one.
10. A little about Joshua. That guy is getting a bit complicated now. First being a bit vague about that dream date because he doesn’t want to ‘raise any wrong intentions’ and then suddenly starts neighing when Megan talks to Thijs?
11. Brings me to the next point. Why is Thijs (Mr.-we-don’t-see-you-the-whole-season) suddenly acting so tough? ‘I’m a little fox. I just grab them. Eccchh waah.‘ Because of guys like Thijs, there must be women who want to die as virgins, can’t be helped. And why does his head look like it’s stuck between a door?
12. I have never seen anything so disgusting in my life. Tim lying on the ground like a horny grasshopper, depicting a 69 position while licking. JESUS PEOPLE, I need a moment to recover from this.
13. Next week on Temptation Naailand? After weeks of weighing and measuring, Jeremy comes out of the closet, Rick Brandstoker throws some gasoline over the island (‘Don’t give him a fire, okay?’) and Mezdi cuts the power cables for a real la grande finale orgy in the dark. Trust me: it’s going to be a sight.
P.S.: What we are giving away this week on my Instagram @kikiduren? Four whole minutes of 69’ing in a dusty attic with Tim (oh help Kiek, stop it), a massage with a happy ending from Jeremy because that guy is already so hot and last but not least I can FINALLY announce: the Limited Edition ‘Sorry Mama’ duvet cover with cheese fondue print. Super ugly. You want it.
P.P.S.: Heart at the bottom if you MUST watch next week. It’s not a question. It’s a must.
P.P.P.S. CHECK ALL THOSE HEARTS. LITTLE SENSATION SEEKERS.
