My 16 ‘naughty’ resolutions

1. Start an article just once without an intro. Is everyone nicely confused.

2. Don't make any good resolutions in 2018 either. goede voornemens. But do make a lot of naughty ones.

3. Like saying you'll spend less time on your phone but still not listening. Oliebollen.

4. Like having more sex. In general this sex bucket list to finish that you wrote yourself.

5. Still mainly take Uber for all the little shits you could just walk. Do you know how nice it is when your shoe soles don't wear out? You can really use them much longer.

6. Just keep thinking in 2018 that pancake mix from a shaker bottle is a good dinner. You badass.

7. Also immediately think of an invention that allows you to keep eating in 2018 without growing close. Pizza. Fries. Oreo. Cookie Dough. You know the usual recipe. Thanks.

8. A wise lesson to carry into 2018: never NEVER make eye contact while eating a banana.

9. Still let yourself be tempted to pay five freaking euros every morning at Starbucks for a cup of coffee with soy milk.

10. And since you always do exactly the opposite: time for an experiment. I hope this year becomes especially very lazy, poor, and lonely for you. With trips with budget airlines and a lot of pistachios that won't open. More sugar! More social media! More lounging on the bank! Bumping your little toe more often! You know it.

11. Enjoy listening to all the new songs from Famke Louise and especially don't laugh. That's not nice. And immediately ask yourself why you're so pathetic that you don't have a Bentley, Honda, or jacket with fur collar yet.

12. Also, never take a balloon with you on the bus and/or train again in your life. It's really a very bad idea.

13. Start a cat daycare with spa facilities and develop your own mud masks and foot cushion massages for kitties. Just to annoy others.

14. For everyone reading this: hang out every weekend with Lil’ Kleine and always rent a room in the AMC for your alcohol poisoning. Always invite the author of this article.

15. Immediately resolve to go to exactly the same crappy party next year with New Year's. And enjoy again the next morning that dead little bird in your mouth, that wine migraine, spaghetti legs, and the rest of this lovely day full of energy and brain mush in your head! Delightful!

16. Please make sure to have an Egg McMuffin McDonald's breakfast in 2018. That's not really a resolution, more of a command. Drop the mic.