What you think when your camera is still in selfie mode

Just take a little photo. Without fear, you tap the camera icon on your screen to immortalize that lovely breakfast (which is cooling down very much). And. you. are. shocked. you. an. accident. Caught in action, but not in beautiful action, shall we say. This happens to me about three times a week. The shock, the fear, the exclamation; the complete astonishment that I have it in me to look like this when my camera is still in selfie mode.

1. Un-der-chin. Gigantic double chin alert. No matter how thin you are, a genuine little flubber (or considerable flubber) appears between chin and neck, as if someone has firmly attached a roll of wire between the skin folds and those two (or three or four) lobes are the beautiful result.

2. I never have to wear a V-neck again, my neck has a V-neck. By itself. Just completely natural, a kind of quirky line play that takes place between the collarbones. It is the Bermuda Triangle of my neck, I think you can lose things in it, so deep.

3. Do I look like this? Is this my neutral I-am-not-aware-of-anything face? Could someone have just told me this once? Wait, they see me from a different angle. Lesson to never forget: make sure people can't admire you from below.

4. You stand for what you look like, my father always said. But people, we are dealing with angles in our lives. Flattering angles, medium-neutral angles, and angles that make you want to run away from yourself. Here we are dealing with exactly that last angle.

5. My nostrils look like the entrance to the Coentunnel, with the lights off. I don't know what goes on in there, but it must be a lot. My nostrils seem to take up about half of my head in proportion. I have two very large holes in my head. Dark holes.

6. The shape of my head resembles an egg and not in a cute Calimero way, no. In an egg-out-of-the-egg-box way; too pointed at the top and all the weight at the bottom around the chin. And without preparation, just less tasty.

7. Those pores, guys, they are just big enough to deep-sea dive into.

8. By the way, I think I also have dents in my chin. I have never had dents in my chin in my whole long life, how did I get those? Or better: how do you get rid of dents in your chin? Googles: how do I get rid of dents in my chin.

There is only one solution to take away this misery: just raise your arm in the air, with camera and all, and show that nice top-down angle of yourself. Really, that angle heals all wounds, until the next time you accidentally have your camera in selfie mode.

P.S.: Maybe a nice little mask helps.
P.P.S.: If not, you can always take a lesson in taking selfies.