eating with chopsticks

And how my reputation went down the drain

Do you have a minute? Because I want to talk to you about eating with chopsticks. I have theories about this specific tool. Recently, those theories have been supported by real-life evidence from practice. Here it comes: eating with chopsticks is bad for your reputation. Mine just shattered into pieces. Kaput.

I went to lunch with a large group. I went to lunch with a large group, indeed. With this group, I don't have lunch every day, you should know, as in: I see them every now and then. And there were the chopsticks, the edible table with all kinds of deliciousness, and the dumpling. The dumpling was coated with something slippery and I had smooth chopsticks. By the way, this was dumpling two, because dumpling one arrived flawlessly at its destination without anyone seeing it. But no one believes that anymore.

The situation: everyone around me is maneuvering as if they were born with chopsticks instead of hands and suddenly I miss the motor skills. I went just recently to eat with Kiek, chopsticks included, it seemed like second nature to me and now stick 1 and stick 2 are total strangers to each other. And there was a fork next to it, which might have been the worst part of the event. I never should have made my blunder, because. there. was. a. fork. The moment my chopstick fail started, I also drew attention to me, myself, and I. Just to make sure you don't go down a little, but mercilessly hard. I maneuver stick 1 and 2 towards the exotic plant towards dumpling 2, hovering in the air with chopsticks, say something to my tablemates and get their full attention, I continue my way around the corner to dumpling 2, reach for it, the dumpling slips and slides, I try again, get a hold of it, reel the dumpling in and it lands right next to my plate. Just to be clear: no one misses it. I chuckle sheepishly and try to get the dumpling back on board. It fights for its life and flails against it.

Our dear Annabelle pretended it wasn't a big deal, but later admitted that it was. I just blame it on the too-smooth chopstick, I prefer the cheap and rough kind, and that due to the trembling circumstances my chopstick motor skills were completely lost. I doubt they will ever come back, because they are probably ashamed as well. I don't know what you do, but I will be eating with knife and fork for the coming year. And I will stay indoors. It was nice though.

PS… If you want to laugh hard about other blunders while eating, you can.