After the Fear of Missing Out, there is now the POMO for mothers

You know it: the fear of missing out if you don't go. That gathering your friends will talk about for ages, that costume party of that friend at that cool location, that weekend getaway with a group...

The well-known Fear of Missing Out was quite trendy for a long time. You went everywhere because, you know, you don't want to accidentally miss anything. Just imagine. You're there, however you are. Now that I'm a mother of twins  the FOMO is a thing of the past and has made way for the POMO. Don't know it yet? It's the Pain of Missing Out. Because honestly: you just can't do everything with kids like you used to.

Last week, I was supposed to go away for the weekend with family, but Daaf got a fever, and so it ended quickly, and we were back in the car packed and loaded. Instead of enjoying dinner and chatting and drinking wine with my cousins, aunts, and sisters, I was sitting alone on the couch with a crying and feverish child in my arms. I know it's part of it, I know it's phases, but still. It's not always easy to be a mom.

And then we have a night planned with friends this week. Games, wine, stories, fun things. It's all just not happening. We have to cancel. We're in the middle of a dramatic crying-and-not-sleeping phase. So all those social appointments are on the back burner for now. I can't handle that well, and it makes me quite sad, it turns out. I'm quite fond of my social life with friends and family, so it feels extra heavy, motherhood.

What to do with that POMO? I have some tips for mothers who know what I'm talking about because those tips help me too:

1 Talk to your partner. Of course, you want to snap, scream, and cry yourself, but that doesn't solve anything. Talk to each other about what needs to change, how you can make it better for each other. You're a team. You have to do it together.

2 Schedule me-time. I know: that always sounds so silly, but it's more than important when you're in a turbulent phase with your kids. Definitely plan a part of the weekend for yourself. And your husband too. He can watch football, you can go to the sauna. Take those moments and don't think: oh, I'll do that next week. Every week, you need your own recharge moment.

3 And that applies to every day too. Schedule half an hour each day where you do nothing. No kids, no mom, no work, no household chores. Whether you take a long bath or read a book in bed; you need a moment for yourself every day.

4 Accept all help from acquaintances and consider asking for a babysitter for the evening. It's worth every euro if you can have some fun outside the house with your partner. Then you have fresh energy to tackle things at home again.

5 Remember with every cry and every broken night that it really will pass. Yes, I know it lasts a long time and it's tough. But just complaining and grumbling about the situation doesn't change it. Try to laugh a little about it. And pour that extra cup of coffee if you accidentally have three minutes to yourself.

Anyone have tips for me? I'm open to anything because. I. Can't. Anymore. Not to make it a heavy message, but honestly: being a mother is not every day what I expected it to be. Or hoped for. Of course, the love is countless, but never being able to sleep and feeling like a seasoned traveler with a 24-hour jet lag every day is wearing me down. So just for a moment, no story that everything is so sweet and lovely, this is my honest story, this is for me at this moment #therealmomlife.