We can't help it: dating in the Netherlands is just terrible

Dating is crap. C-R-A-P. More or less, I can't make it any better. The whole process is just exhausting, stupid, and confusing. Because when do you call it dating? Okay, you had a date – you went for a drink, maybe you had something to eat, but then what? Is it your fling, are you exclusive, and if not, after how many dates are you? Pff, I find it all quite difficult in the Netherlands. It's often treated so mysteriously: ‘that one is seeing that one’, ‘I hear that those two are dating’. And that huge gray area from the first date to making it official (or if it doesn't work out after, say, five dates? Are you then an ex-fling or an ex, or just an ex-nothing?). We Dutch are often portrayed as down-to-earth, but when it comes to dating I wouldn't mind it being a bit less down-to-earth sometimes. A bit more romance. And we are often straightforward, but we are absolutely not that way when it comes to dating.

So give me an American dating scenario. Yeah, I know, nothing is as beautiful as in the movies, but the Americans do this a bit better than we do, you know. You are just clearly asked out on a date. No vague nonsense, very simple: I like you, I want to go on a date with you. Boom. Now, those Americans often do step on the gas, because I did a little personal survey among some American peers. I can tell you: they have never heard of the whole fling thing. No, you get picked up (okay, getting picked up by car in Amsterdam is not practical, but you get my idea), there is actually a plan where to go eat, and it is very clear that this is about a date.

Not just Americans, you know. Take First Dates as an example. ‘Our’ Dutch version is often so awkward (by the way, you will never hear me complain about schadenfreude, I think it's a wonderful show with often really nice people) and I don't really get the feeling that people are really serious about it. Often they don't dare to come out with it. The British and New Zealand editions that are also available on NPO are of a whole different caliber. Here, people are really looking for people they want to date. And they are very clear about that.

Maybe that's why we call it a ‘scharrel’ in Dutch. Translated to English, that is ‘free-range’, which translates back as ‘vrije uitloop’. Well, that free-range is certainly the case, because that gray area aka flings is where many love lives of semi-singles revolve around in the Netherlands. A free-range, no accountability (because you are flings, not in a relationship), meanwhile doing some market research here and there (because again: not exclusive). As I said: totally crap.

I hereby advocate bringing back the obvious romance a bit more. Because sometimes I feel that the dating quality in our little frog country has degraded to Tinder and Happn stories, a little exception here and there where it ends up in a relationship, but in 99% of the cases you end up with a vague fling, a booty call, or friends with benefits. The conversation about what you actually are to each other is often avoided. Stupid gray area. Gray Netherlands with its weather, gray daters, and gray free-range.