Move over Marie Kondo: Gwyneth Paltrow is coming to Netflix

Secretly, we are a little bit obsessed with Gwyneth Paltrow. She is so green, so sculpted, and so shiny healthy, and does some pretty freaky things to be and stay that way. So goes the story that she gives her vagina steam baths, I’ve heard, you know. I’m not claiming anything here. But if that’s what it takes to keep your vajayjay in optimal condition, well…

But where I get itchy from Marie Kondo, read here why, I do have a bit of respect for Gwyn. I mean: give me a body like that at my forty-sixth (and at my thirty-second, please-please-please). In her magazine Goop, you read all her antics and what she buys, believe me: you’ll be drained by it, so beautiful and original. I try to immediately bonjour her weekly update out of my inbox, but usually, I end up in endless click sessions.

I’m quite into documentaries on Netflix these weeks, it’s such a phase where I’m happy to learn something instead of it dulling me (sorry, Gossip Girl). I’m going to very casually mention that I’ve seen the doc Heal and the one about Chanel. Sounds better than just having binge-watched YOU in a day, let’s be honest. But now I can add Gwyneth’s Goop to that, because she and Netflix have decided that her magazine also works perfectly as a series.

Oh, how I look forward to steam baths for vaginas, inserting jade eggs and sperm in smoothies (no joke). This will happen under the inspiring guidance of Gwyn herself, of course. We’ll probably get completely green and sculpted from it. And if not, we’ll surely have something to laugh about. Can’t wait.