You should have done all of this before you start having children

I did have a number of things on my list, you know. My boyfriend wanted to start having kids a long time ago and if it were up to him, there would already be three toddlers running around. Not me. I still wanted so much.

First, travel more. Travel together. Far away. Party with friends. Live abroad. Party with friends abroad. Have a nice job. Earn money. Pay off part of that student debt. Get married. Well, and so it happened. We partied. We left for California and Hawaii, we exchanged vows and first lived a long time in Boston. I wouldn't have wanted to miss any of it or do it differently: I really needed that. Because honestly? Now that maternity leave is looming and my baby bump is so big that sitting still is barely possible, I suddenly find it really scary again. I'm about to become a mother. And then? How do I do that? Can I ever still: travel, work, and build a career? And, with a small squeaky voice: go to a party again?

I think you should definitely do this before you start having kids:

• Take that long trip, with or without a partner. Actually without. With a friend. I remember landing in Auckland once and only being able to think: wow. Now I'm the farthest away from the Netherlands I've ever been. Scary and cool at the same time.
• Once PARTY HARD in Ibiza. Details to fill in yourself. But partying hard, you get that.
• You can fill in the rest yourself, but, well, first take a good look around in the land of men. Only then will you know what you really choose.
• Make a mistake: a fight, another love, a chaotic day, a messy life, a break-up, a tear, an angry girlfriend, a snappy sister… Fall flat on your face. Experience it all. You'll need it later, when everything is hunky-dory and everything goes easy. Once you lived out of a suitcase without a home, without a man, without a job, something like that. You learn from it. You grow from it.
• Drink enough wine weekly and have enough hangovers so you won't miss those nine months.

We're going to experience it. That it will be different times, that's for sure. But maybe also times that I'm ready for. Because honestly: I don't need to backpack through Australia again. I don't need to go wild at a Full Moon party in Bali – or was it Thailand? Or study again. I don't want to think about it. Nice, right, when those wild and chaotic and oh-so-busy and fun times have been and you're moving on with your life? A big new step – the biggest I will probably ever take. And yes, it all went differently than I had thought and planned. Those trips, studies, friends, wedding… I could all map out and plan and do as I wanted. But starting to have kids: that was the biggest surprise of my life. You don't know how quickly you get pregnant, you don't know how your pregnancy will go, you don't know how you're going to do it all and how you feel and in my case whether you're going to get two right away. It has gone as it has gone and of course, I needed time to get used to it. But now I'm used to it in month nine. They have names, long ago, in my head, and they are really almost here. Really almost. My belly is sloshing all day from baby activities and every time I feel something turn or move I think: oh, how big you are already. They are almost ready for this world. Soon we will meet each other. And let me never let them go.

Because don't think my boys will ever be allowed to go to Thailand for a beach party. Or to Ibiza. No, I've already ruined that for them as an experienced expert.