I watched Ares so you don't have to

It could have been so beautiful. The first real Dutch Netflix Original. Yes, yes, I hear you thinking (or see you reacting in the comments section): ‘And Undercover then?’ Well, here's the thing: Undercover was also a Belgian project and Netflix was not the only shareholder. So unfortunately, that was not the first Dutch Netflix Original. I do indeed say unfortunately, and I think we should collectively pretend that Undercover was the first Dutch Netflix Original. Or that the first one doesn't even exist yet. Because Ares... Well, I need to talk to you about that.

The plot sounded good. Mysterious student association, only members of the elite, an outsider who suddenly gets invited, supposedly it became a huge horror series... I’ll be honest: I was excited. Ares came out on the same day as season 2 of Sex Education and I even doubted which one I should watch first. Ah, the ignorance. Better times. Because here's the thing: Ares is not that great at all. Or good. Or understandable. Or light. Apparently, the crew thought it was a brilliant idea to set all the footage to night mode so that we viewers can see absolutely nothing of what actually happens.

Now I must say that I also found the trailer a bit misleading. Watch out: spoilers are coming. From the trailer, I thought it was going to be thrilling and that there was a realistic story behind it. Student associations with dark hobbies — that sounds quite plausible. Little did I know that there was black bile being vomited that seems to have a life of its own. I also had no idea that in the very last episodes, people apparently vomit black bile since slavery to get rid of their guilt. Anyway, that black bile, I didn’t feel it, you know. And how is that vomiting activated? Once you’ve gone through your initiation at Ares, can you suddenly stick your fingers down your throat to puke all the black out? That Rosa being able to do that ‘already‘ is seen as special, did she do this before Ares?

And then that egg. That egg is thrown out when you are inaugurated at Ares. Point one: a pretty big, hard egg that you just have to get out. Point two: if that black stuff is so bad, why do they keep it in a big swirling pit? Seems a bit like asking for trouble. And then that Jacob (what on earth is Krudop-Six for a last name?), who comes into contact with the black bile a.k.a. Beal and drives everyone to suicide. I really want to know which of the writers thought it was a good idea to give Ares a supernatural touch.

Then the last question: who is that old woman? Why has she been alive for so long? Why is she chained up? What kind of texts is she spouting? This will probably be explained in the possible second season, but I would say: just don’t. Come up with a truly thrilling series, with a bit more light, a believable story, and don’t literally throw in the entire VOC era and slavery in the last minute. With zero buildup. And keep the black eggs to yourself. Conclusion: not my favorite on Netflix, but you probably already figured that out. Quickly moving on to Sex Education.