No, someone with a burnout is not just faking it

If you work, there is a good chance that you will soon be completely out of it, because 1 in 6 employees gets a burnout.

Those are not nice numbers. And now I hear you thinking: yeah right, yawn, I know that already. But you should not underestimate a burnout. Because someone who here is suffering from it is not just faking it. A burnout is not a minor illness.

You don't just recover, for example; recovery takes an average of about four months. It happens in three phases: first, you crash and realize that you can no longer do anything. You can't get out of bed, you can't possibly go to work: you can't even go outside. The thought of doing groceries makes you anxious. Loud noises outside startle you. You can't handle stimuli, too many people in a room, or crowds. An appointment with a friend makes you panic. You get stressed about everything and therefore avoid everything and everyone. In that first phase, you stop working and tell everyone about your burnout.

In the second phase, you look at which activities in your life cause that tension. You might write it down. Is it that annoying colleague? Is it that boss with all those deadlines? Is it that big project you said ‘yes’ to? Is it everything you still have to do outside of work? You can stop everything you worries care about, because that will help, but doctors still recommend trying to keep working as much as possible, if you can. And go relax, that especially. You list the causes of your burnout and check off what you will stop doing from now on. Think about what you do enjoy doing. In the third phase, you take action to ensure that your life consists more of things that make you happy than of things that you feel ‘have to’ do. You start trying out your solutions in real life.

My advice as a psychologist is mainly, if you know someone with a burnout: just let them be. I have also had friends who suffered from it, and no matter how much I wanted to give my opinion, I mostly didn't. I wanted to help by advising all sorts of things. Go for a nice walk! Go to bed early! Go on vacation and see that psychologist and then you can work again in two weeks! Sometimes I thought: haven't you been home for months already? Aren't you rested by now? That's not how it works, I know now. A burnout doesn't need advice from everyone and can't be planned: you actually need rest. You don't want stimuli, not even if they are well-meaning advice from friends. You don't know when you will feel better again.

So if you know someone with a burnout: just give them some space. It will be fine – it just needs time. And if you are suffering from it yourself: especially do nothing that you don't feel like doing. That doesn't have to happen right now: accept that this is the situation and don't judge it. It will all be okay again and your friends, family, and partner will wait for you. Don't be angry with yourself. Or strict with yourself. Just be nice to yourself. You got this.