This is what it means to be demisexual

When it comes to sex, everyone has their own preferences. And that's perfectly fine. But did you know that besides heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual, there are many more sexualities — such as demisexual for example?

And that's something we know very little about.

Because what exactly is it? If you are demisexual, it means that you don't really pay attention to someone's appearance when you fall in love. You don't feel any sexual attraction based on a handsome face or a nice body. Demisexuals only feel sexually attracted to someone if they also feel a very strong emotional bond with that person. They feel a connection more in the mind than in the body, so to speak. Since 2014, this relatively ‘new’ form of sexuality has been officially recognized as a sexual orientation, rather than a disorder or condition.

Actually, demisexuals are a bit on the edge of being asexual. They don't care about looks and clothing or a nice exterior. They don't care about a one-night stand. They care more about someone's inner self, but then to an extreme degree, because of course we all care about inner qualities when we want to get into bed with someone. At the international network for asexuals – the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) – instead of demisexual, the terms ‘gray-asexual’ or ‘gray-a’ are also used. You are in a bit of a gray area: you do want sex and physical contact, but it doesn't come from a flutter in your stomach. It doesn't have to be that way either. You only really like someone when you can talk a lot with that person and feel a deeper connection. It occurs in about one percent of the population, so it's something that is rare, but is getting more recognition.

And yes, in a way it might be incredibly romantic: you only feel something for someone when you trust them, have built a bond with them, and know them well. Only then do you want to expose yourself physically and get into a split. You only start having sex when you care a lot about someone. It's not so strange to pause and think about this in these times of quick Tinder hookups, perhaps. Because there is certainly more than a quickie via the app, right?