When you still love your ex a lot: how to get over your breakup
A broken heart is the worst thing there is. Ending your relationship is incredibly painful when you both decide that it's better to go your separate ways, but if the breakup comes as a bolt from the blue, it feels even more impossible to get over it. Unfortunately, it only takes one person to end a relationship, so it can happen that your heart, which still holds a lot of love for the other person, gets shattered into a thousand pieces. As unfair as it may be, you will have to find a way to get over it. But how do you do that when you still love someone very much? These 9 steps can help you.
1. Acknowledge the situation
Be realistic about the current situation instead of focusing too much on hope for the future. It is very brave to acknowledge when a relationship is not working, even if your feelings are not gone yet. You also gain nothing by hoping that things will get better between you. Whether that will ever happen or maybe never, you must acknowledge what is happening in your life right now, no matter how painful that is.
2. Identify needs and dealbreakers in a relationship
Examine what you need and absolutely cannot tolerate in a relationship. This can highlight unmet needs that may not have been fulfilled by your ex and can make it easier to get over your feelings. So take off those rose-colored glasses (that only allow you to think of the good times) and critically examine your relationship.
3. Accept what your love meant to you
Acknowledge the value of a previous relationship and what you learned from it. You gain nothing by just kicking against your relationship, so definitely allow positive memories and give them a place in your heart. Denying emotions can hinder you, whether they are positive or negative.
4. Look to the future
Don't let love for your ex hold you back. Focus on the future and be open to new relationships. Casual dating can show you that there are many nice people, even if they are not immediately the love of your life. Finding the right partner takes time, so try to let go of that goal a bit and enjoy fun evenings with nice people.
5. Prioritize other relationships
Don't forget the other important relationships in your life. Family and friends can provide support during the recovery from your broken heart. Pay attention to how these relationships affect you, avoid negative influences and only surround yourself with people who give you love and energy.
6. Spend time on yourself
Think about the changes you have made in yourself to meet the expectations of others. Consider whether these changes truly fit you or if you only did this to please your ex. By spending more time on yourself, you will slowly but surely rediscover your own identity.
7. Give yourself space
Distance yourself from your ex to allow your heart to heal. Avoid unnecessary contact with him or her, especially if it hinders your recovery. The idea of being friends with your ex is nice, but not if it only causes you more pain.
8. Accept that it may take some time
Realize that it takes time before feelings completely fade. Be patient with yourself in this. It is normal to feel sad and angry, but remember that this pain will not last forever, even if it may seem so in the moment.
9. Talk to a therapist
Consider professional help if you are struggling with daily activities, confused about your feelings, or noticing that not much is changing in your feelings. A therapist can provide a safe space to explore emotions and can help you get through this.
Source: Healthline
