May has advice: My husband had a relationship with his sister-in-law

Getting older brings a lot. Wrinkles and frays, but fortunately also some wisdom. That's why I open the counter once a week for anyone who wants to share a problem.

This week I received an email from S. from O.
“Six years ago I divorced the father of my children. My ex grazed happily in the meadow and after he had gone through a, thank God married, sister-in-law and a few mothers from the schoolyard he ended up with his current girlfriend. Like most men, he couldn't be alone very well, so after a week, I'm exaggerating of course but it wasn't far off, he was living together. His current partner has no children and that is a conscious choice. She actually doesn't want anything to do with them and makes that clear. My ex loves our children, but finds himself in a difficult predicament. He wants to be nice, but always chooses his partner, resulting in me having two boys who go to their father every week with a potato sack on their shoulders reluctantly. It's just not warm there, she takes zero account of them, doesn't ask what they like, doesn't do anything fun with them and casually asks if they want to go to their room so that she and my ex a movie can watch. I find it a terrible situation. What should I do?”

How intensely sad for your children and for you too. A divorce that seems to have only losers. I don't know how old your sons are, but is it an idea that they perhaps go to their father less often? It seems as if it is not really the ideal situation for them either and everyone is just getting through these days. Would it be an idea if you discuss that with your ex? Maybe in an ideal situation he could have dinner with the boys once a week and they could then stay with him every other weekend. Then he can pull out all the stops that weekend. Maybe his partner will then do some fun things with friends and they can really enjoy each other and then lean on that for a while. Sorry, it's easy for me to advise from the sidelines, but I always believe more in quality than in quantity and I think a setup like this only deteriorates the relationship. Good luck to you.