The 3 words you should never use in a relationship

There are three forbidden words in every relationship, and I also include friendships in that. I sincerely swear by these forbidden words and that’s why I thought it was high time to tip you about them; they have helped me enormously since I stopped using these three words. You will notice that your communication with each other becomes more pleasant, you will have fewer intense arguments  and that you talk things out instead of just defending yourself.

What words are they? Here they come. The first two are very much related to each other.

1 and 2. ‘Always’ and ‘never’
When you use these words in a conversation or argument, you immediately block all possible communication. The main reason for this is that it cannot be true: no one always does something or never does something. And therefore, when you use those words, you become very fierce and aggressive in a conversation.

This can already happen in a simple discussion: ‘You are really always late.’ The person you are addressing about this is not always late, but probably often is. By bringing up that it has never happened that this person was on time, you block the entire conversation. That person can only defend themselves or become angry. What you could better say is: ‘I find it annoying that you are often late.’ This way, you are not immediately aggressive, you also express a bit how you feel, and there is room for a conversation. This works the same with: ‘You never listen to me,’ ‘you never do what I say,’ ‘you always cancel on me last minute.’ And yes, I know my title sounds quite hypocritical now, but that is the only time you may use ‘never’: to emphasize that you can throw this word in the trash.

3. ‘Would’
This one is a bit trickier but just as damaging as ‘always’ and ‘never’. When you use ‘would’, there is a certain expectation attached to it, which comes with a certain responsibility. For example: ‘You really should know better.’ When you say that to your partner or a friend, there is already a very big accusation in it. The word ‘would’ indicates that everyone, including that person who has done something wrong, already knows that it is not acceptable. At that moment, you make that person feel guilty because it is generally known that they should ‘would’ know better. This applies to every occasion where you want to use ‘would’. It’s better to keep it to yourself and address something from your own experience, then you leave room for an open conversation and avoid the accusatory tone. This way, you will get much further and remain respectful towards each other.

Source: Essential Communications | Image: Netflix