Is your girlfriend being abused during her pregnancy?

The article in De Volkskrant about iceman Wim Hof won't leave me. His ex-wife and mother of his son tells how he systematically abused her. Even during the pregnancy. A period that should be a shaken bed of love with warm blankets is for 5 to 8% of pregnant women a cold cellar whose door occasionally opens to physical or psychological violence.

How so?
You can't imagine that something like new life can provoke aggression. But it happens. The reasons can vary. Some men are angry when the pregnancy is unplanned and direct their anger at their partner and the unborn child. Other men are jealous of the love their wife feels for the new life in her belly and feel excluded. As if their sacred unity is being broken. Financial worries can also be a trigger for aggression. A child costs money and some people cannot handle those worries. What some men also struggle with is that suddenly there are other people interfering in their partner's life, such as the midwife and the doctors.

How does the violence manifest?
In different ways. There are forms of aggression where the perpetrator primarily targets the belly and the genitals of the pregnant woman. I find it difficult to write this down, it's so terrible. There is also psychological violence, where the woman is belittled and intimidated.

Why don't women leave?
A logical question that I already wrote about on Monday. I told you; I'm all in. The bottom line is that they don't know if it will really be better elsewhere. I think in many cases the perpetrator also promises to change and expresses regret, and you tend to believe that person.

What can you do?
The midwife is trained to recognize signs of abuse. Try to go there alone, so you can speak freely and she can set up a plan for you to safely bring your baby into the world. They can work together with other agencies to provide help where the safety of your unborn child and you is paramount. We live in a country where a lot is arranged. Dare to ask for help, because it is there and it can turn out well. Even if you don't do it for yourself, do it for your child. The chance that the abuse will continue once your child is born is very high.