The 5 sneaky tactics of narcissistic manipulation
You would think you would notice when someone is messing with you, right? But narcissistic manipulation is so refined, so subtle and – let me just say it – so mean, that you only realize it when you are already caught in the trap. And yes, you too, smart, funny woman-with-good-intuition.
So, if you ever had a date, friend, or colleague where you kept wondering: “Is this my fault?” then there is a good chance you were dealing with a narcissist. Watch out for these 5 red flags:
1. “You are too sensitive”
Or, in its more modern variant: “Wow, you really exaggerate everything.” Narcissistic manipulation often starts with gaslighting. They twist the story so much that you think you are making a fuss over nothing. The goal? To make you doubt yourself. Your emotions are dismissed as ‘hysterical’, so he (or she, narcissism is not just a male domain, I have encountered quite a few female narcissists as well) can wash his hands in innocence. Classic.
2. “You’ll never make it without me”
Ouch. This is not love, this is control. Narcissists want you to think that they are indispensable. That you will end up in a hut in the woods with only your cat (and let’s be honest: the cat wins). Narcissistic manipulation makes you feel small, so they can feel big. It’s incredible what another person can have such immense influence over you. Especially because it happens gradually, you don’t even realize how far you are being dragged into it. Until your eyes open and everything becomes clear.
3. “I never said that”
This is the hallmark of gaslighting. You are sure he sent that message. Or that he said your sister could stay over. But suddenly it’s: “No, you made that up.” Or: “You hear what you want to hear.” Trust me, this is manipulation in its purest form. And the strange thing is, you still believe it. At least; for a while.
4. “Everyone thinks you’re acting weird”
As soon as you hear: “my friends also think that you…” – know that there is a 99% chance that those friends never said this. Narcissistic manipulation makes clever use of ‘imaginary third parties’ to exert pressure. Because if your surroundings supposedly think so too, well, then it must be true, right? Wrong. Don’t fall for it. Maybe you should just ask those others if they really said that. The narcissist dares to assume that we don’t do that at all, that checking and asking. And the strange thing is, the narcissist is right about that. We are usually too polite for that,
5. “I did it because I love you”
If someone belittles, undermines, or hurts you and wraps it up as ‘love’, then you have a very toxic cocktail. Love should make you stronger, not more dependent. “I only did it because I love you” is narcissistic manipulation in a romantic guise. And don’t be fooled: it’s just as toxic as a bad Cosmopolitan.
Do you recognize this?
Maybe you recognize one of these sentences. Maybe you recognize them all. Maybe after reading this piece you thought: oh wow, this so that’s what was going on. The most important thing is: you are not crazy. And you are not alone in this.
Do you want to know more about narcissism and how to deal with it? This external link from Psychology Magazine provides good tips for recognition and protection.
✨ Text box – 5 signals that you are (again) reclaiming your power
- You dare to say ‘no’ without guilt
- Your messaging behavior changes: less explaining, more blocking
- You literally feel more space in your body
- Your surroundings say: “You’re glowing again”
- You no longer need his validation
And what now?
Breathe in. Breathe out. You don’t have to solve everything right now. But awareness is the first step. Delete those messages. Block that number. Make space for yourself – and for people who don’t talk you down, but stand beside you. Just don’t say this, because this is the dumbest thing you can say to a narcissist. Consider yourself warned.
