‘How much do you earn?’ Almost half of the Netherlands asks it on the first date

Imagine: you're on your first date. The conversation is going well, you're enjoying a glass of wine together and you're already cautiously thinking about whether you might want to see this person again. And then it comes: ‘How are you doing financially?’

Romantic? Yes, I absolutely don't find it so. But for almost half of the Netherlands, it apparently isn't a strange topic at all. But to be honest, would you dare to ask this? I read a study from bunq, in which nearly six thousand adults were surveyed and it turns out: 49 percent of the Dutch think it's fine to talk about money during a first date. How is that! Moreover, 13 percent even wants to know where a potential partner stands financially before that person really gets a serious chance.

Okeeeee.

First know where you stand financially

Apparently, we are all increasingly less willing to date casually for months only to find out later that the other person is completely different financially.

In other words, are you a keen saver and does your date have a hole in his hand? Maybe you want to buy a house together someday, and he thinks crypto is an excellent retirement plan. You set aside money automatically every month, he buys a VanMoof, new watches, and festival tickets without thinking.

But that can certainly go well together? Apparently, more and more people want to know in advance what they are getting into.

I thought: first love and then the rest, right? Or are we all so focused on money now? Aren't we down-to-earth Dutch? I thought it was much more of an open conversation among Americans. I often see that in reality series like Love is Blind or Married at First Sight USA. They talk about money there so quickly. Especially about debts, credit card debts, and student loans.

Research has also been done on this, and indeed: especially Americans from this study are clear about it. 28 percent want to know where a potential partner's financial situation lies first.. In Spain, that's 23 percent.

Dutch people? 13 percent.

So we apparently want to know if you handle money a bit normally, but it doesn't have to be during the appetizer.

Because money can seriously ruin a relationship

Is that caution perhaps not so strange? Maybe not.

Because 14 percent of the Dutch participants say that a relationship in the past has broken down due to disagreements about money.

Oops.

Because falling in love with someone is one thing. Building a life together is really something else. Suddenly, it's not just about who pays the bill for dinner, but also about saving for later, vacations, a house, children, loans, big purchases, and the question of how much money you can actually spend.

Because the way someone handles money says a lot about how that person stands in life.

One saves, the other invests

The research also shows that men and women react very differently to financial situations. But yes, I think we already knew that.

If a man unexpectedly receives a financial windfall, 15 percent say he would invest it sooner. For women, that's only 7 percent.

Women choose security with such a windfall and want to save.

‘I'll pay’ is also not always so romantic

Another striking difference: men are much easier about lending money to friends.

Almost a quarter of Dutch men say they lend money to a friend without making clear agreements about when that amount will be paid back. For women, that percentage is 15 percent.

That may sound like a small detail, but it actually says exactly what it's about: everyone has a different relationship with money.

One finds lending €500 to a friend no problem at all. The other wants a Tikkie, a repayment date, and maybe even a contract first.

As long as you're still dating, you might find those kinds of differences quite funny. But as soon as you live together, have a joint account, or have to make big financial decisions, they can suddenly become a lot less funny.

The joint account will come around sooner or later

And then the inevitable happens: you get serious.

According to earlier research from Nibud, four out of five Dutch couples have a joint bank account. Almost half of the Dutch also make clear agreements about joint income and expenses.

In this regard, women are slightly more in favor of those agreements than men: 48 percent versus 39 percent.

Not very sexy perhaps, but maybe still practical. Think about groceries, Netflix, Viaplay.

So: should you immediately ask on the first date what someone earns?

Well... no. At least, I certainly wouldn't. Maybe you shouldn't either.

You really don't have to ask during the appetizer how much student debt someone has, what's in their savings account, and whether there's a crypto portfolio hidden somewhere.

But maybe a conversation about money doesn't have to be heavy at all. You can also ask how someone likes to celebrate vacations. Or whether someone prefers to save or spend everything immediately. Or what that person would do with an unexpected €10,000.

It sounds light-hearted, but it gives you more insight. And maybe you'll also discover that you are financially completely different. By the way, that doesn't have to be a red flag right away.

Money is there to enjoy, but a little saving can't hurt either. That's a green flag.

Source: international research from bunq among 5,794 adults, including 852 Dutch.