As we saw last week the Internet is of course a great place for all sorts of oddities, but don't underestimate television either. Especially RTL5 is king in delivering village crazies and this television season there is again plenty to cringe at while sitting in front of the screen. Let me be your TV guide.

I Found the Gown

It all started with Say Yes To The Dress but like all successful things, they are shamelessly copied. In I Found The Gown we find hysterical women looking for their wedding dress and it results in completely ridiculous images. Because, as everyone knows, women who are getting married, there is nothing fun about that. They all drag along a whole battery of friends, sisters, cousins, grandpas, grandmas, pets, and houseplants who all have to give their opinion but actually not really because if they say something, the bride almost always starts crying immediately. Oh and, of course, they all choose a strapless dress that they can't have.

5 Extreme

In this RTL5 program, Ewout Genemans follows Dutch people with a “remarkable lifestyle.” For example, last week there was an episode about people who think they are vampires, including 25-year-old Gerrie who is getting vampire teeth so she can drink blood. And we see her ordering six liters of blood which she then bathes in and flutters around in and really it is all too bizarre for words. There was also an episode about a man who is transitioning to a woman in Thailand and a family that drags their 4-year-old daughter to America for a huge child beauty pageant. There is a lot of fuss about Genemans' programs (participants are said to be pressured) but the fact is that it is entertaining and especially bizarre television.

Double D in LA

This is the real-life soap of former porn star Bobbi Eden so better not watch this with small children around because the penises and vaginas are flying across your screen. Together with her husband Marq, she goes to LA to market her collection of sex toys and then a world opens up for you that you didn't know before. Bobbi is quite blunt (figuratively speaking, not literally, hence the double D) and vulgar but at the same time actually very sympathetic. And the porn world in LA is interesting enough to stay on the couch for an evening.

Making Ends Meet in the Schilderswijk

The Schilderswijk is one of the poorest and most problematic neighborhoods in the Netherlands and in this program we follow residents and ‘neighborhood parents’ Mies and Dirk. There is a lot of trouble with immigrant youth, with racism, misunderstanding, and diseases. Many people have cancer and according to some, it is in the ground there. It is certainly not due to the discarded cigarette butts or kilos of fast food being consumed, but “because it just happens to you.” Anyway, between the moments of total stupidity and madness, there are very beautiful moments, and the whole is actually a very nice and honest portrait of a neighborhood with a lot of problems.

Sun, Drinking, Hospital

An RTL5 program in every sense, Dutch doctors are followed during their work in blood ordinary holiday destinations in Spain, Bulgaria, and Greece. Crowds of young people who drink so much that they can no longer walk and then think it is a super good idea to stand on a bar and dance, and then fall off and end up in the clinic with large bleeding head wounds. If you see this, you will never want to drink again. 

Boundless in Love

Ooooh I am so IN LOVE with this program. We see women who have found their great love abroad and now take the leap to lead a long and happy life with him. But that doesn't always go as smoothly as desired. My favorite episode is an oldie, when Angelique moved to Kenya to live with her boyfriend, Dickson, who was a Maasai warrior. Seriously! She arrived there with her rolling suitcase in a mud hut without a drop of water or electricity. And he was there in his robe with his family and she in her short denim shorts and oooh it was all so awkward. Of course, it all went completely wrong and honestly, I feel very sad for them, but come on, what did you expect? There are also success stories but the reason this program is in my Cabinet is of course the cases where hopelessly naive girls leave home and hearth to chase an uncertain dream in the jungle of a vague country.

Behind Closed Doors

If there were a prize for the worst actors in the Netherlands, then everyone who has ever played a role in Behind Closed Doors would unanimously receive it. In this program, “true stories” are told and reenacted by Z-actors and it is so painfully bad that I can't help but enjoy it immensely. It is ‘scripted reality’ which means ‘bitter misery.’

Love at First Kiss

Always save the best for last and the best is undoubtedly Love At First Kiss. Take a room, two people who don't know each other, put them both in that room and let them kiss each other. If they liked it, they can then go on a speed date, and if they liked that, they can go on a real date. The funniest part is when they kiss because aaaarghhh that is SO AWKWARD. And often gross, those smacking sounds are really disgusting and ooooh you really have to see this because it is indescribable. Not convinced yet? If this is not the most awkward moment in the history of mankind then I don't know anymore.