Fun & Famous

WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THESE CRAZIES?

The ‘news’ came on April 2, so I'm just going to assume it's not a joke. Nu.nl headlined with “Katie Price wants breast implants to sell for one and a half million euros.” Let that sink in for a moment.

First of all, who was Katie Price again? I can imagine you might not remember that right away. According to Wikipedia, she is “mainly known for several consecutive breast enlargements and is also referred to as ‘the British Pamela Anderson’ because of that.” And let's be honest, that's quite an achievement, isn't it? You might also know her as Jordan, which was her modeling name. She mainly did a lot of ‘glamour shoots’ and often had her clothes off more than on in front of the camera. Lastly, she was married to Peter Andre, and the two of them together were really a treat for the ordinary British tabloids – and thus for me.

“Last time I checked, you already have a set of fake tits for a lot less than a million”

Okay, that's enough of the history lesson. Our Katie posted a photo on Instagram where we see her with two ridiculously large implants accompanied by the almost poetic text “breast implants for sale size 1050cc, immaculate condition! £1,000,000.00 email kpimpants@hotmail.com to buy, make an offer or for more info! Ps you can use them for implants are been sterilised.”

Sooooo.

In 1998, she had her breasts enlarged for the first time and did so six more times in the following years. Until last year, when they had to come out again. “For the first time in twenty years people don't look at my breasts when I walk into a room, they now look at my face,” Katie said about that, and she likes it.

So she created a Hotmail address and put the gems online. For a MILLION POUNDS. I don't have much experience with breast enlargements, but last time I checked, you can get a set of fake tits for a lot less than a million. But okay, these are of course from Katie, the British Pamela Anderson. Who wouldn't want that!

Someone else who recently put things up for sale, was our own Peter Jan Rens. No breast implants (although I wouldn't be surprised if he has those lying around somewhere too), but all his stuff from the Mr. Cactus era. The original pajamas, for example. He's moving to Turkey (read all about it here), so he could use some extra cash, and the whole shebang reportedly earned him a good 9000 euros. That's not a million, but still, it's not bad.

What I mainly wonder is how these losers, these grandiose Z-listers, can get it into their heads that there are seriously people waiting for their junk. Beyoncé would never do this kind of thing, just like Justin Bieber. They don't sell their cast-offs like that – and they don't need to, of course.

But hey, who am I to judge. Are you in the mood for the fake tits of Katie Price/Jordan/the British Pamela Anderson? It can happen now. Oh, what a time to be alive.