A steady relationship leads to less sex

If you and your partner are ticking off quite a few years on the relationship counter, then you naturally feel quite pleased about that. Nothing is better than snuggling up close to him on the couch knowing that he won't just run off when you do that in an unmade state and wrapped in an oversized tracksuit. Right? Only he still gets hot thoughts about you in those joggers in the first year, and you about him on any random couch, but that can diminish as the dating period goes on. And yes, that's normal.

Here's the thing, according to psychotherapist Esther Perel, in a relationship you seek safety. Safe is a bit sexless, even though you do get those fuzzy and warm feelings from it. But then in the cozy sense of warm, not to be confused with the hot sense of warm. A feeling of safety is good for intimacy, but that doesn't always lead to good sex. As emotional intimacy grows, it can actually decrease your desire for hanky-panky. So you go from frequency ten times a day to once a week. No worries, that seems to be the perfect amount. Don't believe me? Just read here. But your chances of survival on the relationship front do increase if things are a bit less steamy or dreamy in the bedroom.

So why do you start off uninterruptedly fooling around and picking at each other? Separation creates sexual attraction, but if you've been together for a long time, you kind of merge with each other. Distance then, yes. And that merging sounds all very mushy now, but it's necessary to glue you together. Only you then no longer give in to your wildest fantasies and naughty urges because you're afraid of ruining that intimacy. And there goes that steamy session, aiaiai.

How can you kick the dullness out of the bedroom? Also nice to know. Dare to schedule sex, says psychotherapist Esther Perel (who actually gave a TED Talk about it). Sounds familiar, because sexologist Goedele Liekens is also a big proponent of that (she told Amayzine herself). Make time for a quickie and just occasionally put a little less love and a little more lust into that lovemaking. You'll get sparks flying.

Source: Bedrock