Everything you didn't dare to do in 2017 but are really going to do now
Get ready, because it's over, you bunch of pussies. This year we're going to tackle it. Those postponed annoying tasks, your deepest desires, and everything you find too scary but secretly always wanted. This year you are going to…
Ask for a raise
Ideally, your employer would show up tomorrow with a big bag of cash for your dedication. And good looks. With a pat on the back. But we both know: that ain’t gonna happen. You will have to bring up that conversation yourself. Now. Is. The. Time.
Tell someone how you feel about them
Have you been crushing on someone for months? Time to speak up. Do you barely tell your mother that you love her? Same. Are you being treated poorly by a colleague? Correct them. You’ll see how relieving that is.
Get that smear test done
No, it’s really not fun. But 700 women are diagnosed with cervical cancer every year and 220 women die annually from this disease. Just a matter of putting your fear aside and just doing it.
Take the trip you’ve always dreamed of
Always wanted to go to Iceland? Want to take a road trip? Want to spend three months alone in North America? Just do it. Starting to save for your dream trip is already a goal in itself. Fuck it, choose 100 percent for your own dream. Shall I remind you that traveling enriches your life?
Find a coach
Did 2017 consist of quite a few bumps? Time to talk to someone this year who can bring out the best in you, whether that’s career-wise, a life coach, or professional help. You can’t do everything alone and hey, that’s okay.
‘Disappointing’ others by saying no
‘But the neighbor is turning 53! You can at least go for a bit?’ ‘Are you going home already? Ah, boring! Just one more drink then?’ ‘Do you have time on Sunday to help me move?’ If you say so many ‘yeses’ that you’re actually secretly saying ‘no’ to yourself and creating zero me-time, then it’s time to take action. Time for a lesson in saying no.
Quit that crappy job
I know, it’s super scary and incredibly exciting, but if you’re unhappy going to work, then this is the year to quit. Look around you, respond to job vacancies, and look for a job that makes you happy. Grab it, monkey face! (tiger is so 2017…).
P.S.: I don’t really do New Year’s resolutions. I do a lot of naughty ones.
