Why you never meet your true match while going out after your 30s

In the past, when weekends meant parties in brown pubs and bad clubs instead of binge-watching a series on the couch, yes, back then it was usually effective hustling while going out.

And by hustling, we mean old-fashioned flirting. Picking up. Flirting. Kissing. That happened, and what a fun game it was that never got boring. Until at some point... it did get boring. Soon the times of boxes of Flügels behind the bar faded away and the times of ending up in a strange bed at six in the morning disappeared. We chose for a real relationship. We chose to spend Saturdays together on the couch. Netflix party, hurray. Great plan, around your thirties. You shouldn't even think about those pub crawls through the city anymore. Although...

This does not apply to everyone. After all, there are also a lot of thirty-somethings who still don't have a partner to cuddle in bed. And if you have indeed passed thirty and are still happily single, then you might as well plop down on the couch. Experts advise against looking for a lover in the pub, because you won't meet your true love there, as research shows.

Here's the thing. It all has to do with attachment. Most people are securely attached to their father and mother. That bond is more important than you might expect. Some children who have had a more difficult childhood are insecurely attached. This applies to 30 percent of all people. And having that insecure feeling, that feeling that the foundation is not good, can lead to attachment problems. We're not talking about attachment to your parents, but about attachment to a love, to a partner. People who are insecurely attached in their childhood find it harder to find a partner in their life.

And that's exactly the point. Securely attached people usually have a serious relationship before they turn thirty. Those who are still lurking in the pub after their thirtieth birthday are, on average, more often insecurely attached. They go on many casual dates to avoid feeling difficult emotions. They are also not open to a long, deep relationship. They are actually afraid to commit because they don't know that bond from the past. That's why they still go out, even when they're over thirty. Of course. Because they can. Flirting, looking good, kissing, ordering Flügels, a night of sex... Everything is fine. But as soon as it gets serious , they are gone.

Securely attached people also don't have many different partners before they settle down. They have certainly had a one-night stand, but they don't need to search for ‘the love’ for eternity. They have already found it, they know what they want, and they find someone who fits them. That's why they are no longer lurking in the pub after their thirtieth birthday. They watch a series on the couch. So, dear singles, fire up Tinder. Because from your own couch, you still have the best chance of meeting true love. Swiping has never been so important.

FACTS

• A treatment for a ‘binge drinker’ quickly costs 1300 euros
• At least 76% of young people feel stressed before going out
• 80% of women think it's not okay for a man to kiss multiple people in one night