10 messages you better not send to your ex during this lockdown

It's cold outside and cozy inside, so we should actually be fully in the ‘cuddle season’ right now. But unfortunately, it seems more like we are in the ‘breakup season’, as I've seen many relationships falling apart lately. Corona has certainly contributed to that, according to relationship expert Esther Perel. According to her, some couples are experiencing that small problems suddenly feel very big during this pandemic, while other relationships seem to withstand a lot of stress. As a result, many big decisions will be made during this time.

Let's assume for a moment that you've just broken up, which is already sad enough, but in this sad period, that might be even heavier. Outside, there's nothing to experience now that almost everything is closed. We're bored to death and can therefore say that there is a great lack of distraction. And what could be more tempting than sending your ex a message from the couch? Just checking in to see how they're doing. Sounds pretty innocent, of course, but it's not necessarily wise to do. The more contact, the harder it is to get over each other. But hey, if you still want to send something, at least don't send the following messages.

1. ‘Hey, how are you?’
Well, what do you think? This is not the best question to ask, as no answer will do you any good. When you get a ‘bad’ response, you'll probably feel guilty or sad, and when your ex responds ‘good’ (whether that's true or not), you're not happy either. There's also a chance you won't get any response to this question at all. It's therefore better to ask a specific question, such as: ‘What did you do today?’

2. ‘Did you receive my previous message?’
If you don't get a response to your message, you can just assume that your ex doesn't want contact. It's up to you to respect that, no matter how hard it is. When you ask if he/she received your message, you come across as quite desperate. Even more annoying: sending a question mark. Just wait patiently until your ex wants to reach out.

3. Sending a meme
You are not suddenly best friends, so it's better to send a meme without context to a friend. Even if you are sure your ex will laugh at it, it's unnecessary and awkward to act like you are now best buddies too quickly.

4. ‘I'm sorry’
Apologies are not made via message. Are there still unspoken matters for which you need to apologize? Then just go to your ex for a face-to-face conversation. A message is far too light and disrespectful for that.

5. ‘I miss you’
This is probably the most sent message after a breakup. It's completely understandable, but just don't do it; it won't help either of you.

6. Sending photos
Whether you send a photo of yourself or something you're doing, you're only making it harder for your ex by sending photos. Even if your fingers are itching, just don't do it.

7. ‘I hate you’
Well, sometimes it just gets too much for you. Emotions run high, your messages are ignored, and you just want some attention from your ex. Mean messages can be very tempting to send in that case, but don't forget that this only provokes a negative reaction from the other person. Moreover, it decreases the chance of becoming friends later on. Sending messages with the intention of making your ex feel bad is therefore a no-go.

8. Pretending everything is fantastic
Sometimes you suddenly feel the need to let your ex know that you're not bothered by the breakup at all, even though the opposite is true. You actually achieve the opposite with this. Because if you're not bothered at all, why are you messaging him/her? This also comes across as a bit desperate, so it's better to just let it go.

9. ‘I'm bored, want to watch a movie?’
This is a very dangerous one, especially now that lounging on the couch is the only thing we can do on the weekend, but you should try to avoid this. Imagine your ex didn't want to break up at all; maybe you're giving him/her false hope this way. Stay strong and just watch a movie with someone else.

10. ‘Why?’
It's probably quite clear to both of you why you broke up, so asking for an explanation via message is quite pointless. If you really have urgent questions, it's better to ask them in person. The chance is high that you'll get a response to this message that won't make you happy.