Kiki's Expedition Robinson Babble (the finale!): Amayzine.com

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KIKI’S EXPEDITIE ROBINSON GEBRABBEL

(the finale!)

A very good morning, dear Ex Robbesnobbers. So, sit back and relax. Today the babble column dies. I can't make it any more fun, friends. The cookie is crumbled, yes. For sixteen weeks (that's four months, my GOD) you could see all my brain farts about this insane program fly by here on Amayzine.

About those crazy BN’ers trying to survive on an island, about the terror actions of T-Rex Soundos, the hilarious statement from Rotterdam's weirdo Kaj, and of course the banana antics of Mi Boy Carlos. The arguments, the conspiracies, the bizarrely beautiful tests, the short appearance of Lil’ Kleine, Imke's eyebrows, Shelly's pusbil, Roeland's moffel-and-pier glasses, ketamine chef Niels, termite crab Fernando, and everything in between. What we saw during the broadcast had to be discussed the next morning in the extensive gossip newspaper. In fact, discussed... We preferred to call it babbling. Because hey, we think that's fun, you know.

And look, that babbling all started out of pure passion. A bit of talking from a distance about BN’ers (and this year ON’ers) who aren't allowed to eat, brush their teeth, look in the mirror, and call home on an island: delightful. As a little snotty kid, I was already watching ER with my mom on the tube, and when I started working at Amayzine, there had to be an extensive this-is-what-I-thought-when-I-watched report. God, what a party it was to write this every week. Sometimes deep into the night, sometimes early in the morning at 05:45 (like today), sometimes from abroad, sometimes really grumpy but always with love. The enthusiasm grew week by week, the site regularly flipped out of its roof, and I won't forget your Insta messages, emails, and LIVE ON THE STREET ENCOURAGEMENTS (!) But as with almost everything: all good things come to an end. Also to experienced Expedition Robinson.

Well, shall we? One last time then, you bunch of island grabbers. To finish it off. I turned on the tube last night for the finale of Expeditie Robinson and this is what I thought:

1. Carlos and Kaj in tuxedos. That's a keeper. Mandatory. I want this on my retina. Every day. Please. Slips off the couch. Yes. Thank you.

2. And, does Soundos have a glitter version of a baseball shirt on? And does it say ‘PERFECT’ on her shirt? Of course. The noodles have been replaced by a cool curl. It must be said.

3. Imke even has fleeky eyebrows! Okeeee okeee, looking good. Everything for her ‘Cahloshj’.

4. Ah look, now we move on to my favorite part. Looking back at footage from when everyone was still white and fat. Love it. I'm just sliding in a slice of quattro formaggi.

5. Love for Kaj part 347: “I saw myself walking around with that dirty, cowardly little beard. I actually went to that island for a beard, right? That turned into all local showers. Here a tuft, there a tuft, it made no sense at all.”

6. If Sounnie says ‘comeback kid’ one more time, I'm throwing that TV out the window.

7. FINALLY. THE TEST BEGINS! *Nervously shifts on the couch*

8. Okay. Those first two minutes were really blood-curdling, yes. That monkey business for advanced players. Are we seriously going to be interrupted by a Soundos going out on the street with a fake clay head?

9. This is brilliant: “Changing me into a man? Oh, you don't have to do much. Just a different nose.” And I hereby found a new favorite threat

for the older woman. “I know where your grandchildren go to school.” HAHAHA.

10. Speaking of which; so you're watching Expeditie Robinson and you don't recognize the (still quite present) voice of Soundos, do you? A bit unbelievable, right?

11. Man man man, Lil’ Kleine has been holding up in the studio for a long time! Is he really going to last the hour and a half? Give that boy some drinks or drugs, man, he's barely not shaking.

12. No seriously. Jorik, dude, I don't know what you're rambling on about with your lobster and champagne, but it's clear: I want to be on that island too.

13. “I'm someone you have to get used to. And that's fine. Look, you can resist all you want, but in the end, you're going to love me anyway. Even you, Danny.” Okeeeeee, just admit it: the mother goose/Kim Jung Soun dictator/T-Rex has made way for a Sounnie that we secretly find quite funny. Think of it as Famke Louise; we all complain about it, but we still play her songs.

14. “Jorik is 21 and I, let's say eh, not.” I officially laugh at her jokes.

15. Kaj: “If only we had beef, then we would have something to eat.” HAHAHA.

16. YAAAA TASTING TIME AGAIN. What a carnival attraction. Kudos and applause for the test creators. And the set builders. And the editing for this delightful, heavy-hearted, semi-emotional ‘Everybody knows’ music.

17. Carlito is going like crazy and slips through those ropes like a Spanish beetle/snake person. My friend Kaj has the first target on. Oh kids, how effing exciting. Oh and guys... I'm going to miss those weekly hour and a half of bare upper bodies...

18. Huh? What is Sounnie doing now? HAHAHA. This is just too ridiculous. I walk through Ikea even faster on Saturday afternoons.

19. Okay, snore. Can someone wake me up when the finale really starts? Two minutes of the test and thennnnn we go back to the studio.

20. I've already sent three texts to win a fucking set visit in 2018, what's WRONG with me?

21. That's it. The family of Carlos is the sweetest. Those parents, that sweet Spanish grandpa, that crying neeeeeefje. Can't handle it.

22. Okay, we're finally going to see the long version of the test. You'd think by now that Sounnie has emptied that whole forest, but that chick only has nine bullets. It's delightful how they also edited that silly tune under her movements.

23. So there are five ways to collect bullets. Soundos finds twelve. I think she's still searching.

24. Seriously, is she going to DO something? Those guys are both already shooting back and forth. Is it going to be Carlos? Is it going to be Kaj? AAAAAH, that last bullet from Carlos is almost in.

25. Can't handle it. Can't handle it. Runs through the room. Short circuit. Too. Exciting. Mi. Boy. Is. Almost. Winning. Almost. Will it happen? YAAAAAAAAAAA! All of Twente roaring on the couch now. WHOOOOOOP Mi Boy!!! I can almost see a vein popping in his face, hahaha. That guy is going completely loco.

Oh dear, guys. What a broadcast. What a winner. For the first time in years, Expeditie Robinson is won by an unknown Dutchman again. It couldn't have gone better. And I really wished it for Mi Boy with his sympathetic Oldenzaalse face. I know better than anyone what rollercoaster Carlos has been through. Collecting votes. The casting weekend. The psychological tests, he excelled in everything and that makes him more than ever the rightful winner. That being said: I still can't quite believe it, but from now on it's sleeping in on Friday mornings. Starting tomorrow, this island babbler is taking a seasonal break. I’ll be back kids, I’ll be back.

P.S.: Never thought I would end with a line from the Terminator: hey, what a mess.

P.S.: Oh and, if you can't get enough of winner Carlito and want to see a crazy video where we decorate the Christmas tree together: here you go.

P.P.S.: Makers of the program, did I hear that right? Next year seven unknown Dutch people? Okay fuck, that quattro formaggi. I'm eh, diving into the gym already, bye!

P.P.P.S.: God, I almost forgot. What are we giving away during la grande finale on my Instagram account @kikiduren (follow me, it's fun man) ? Three exclusive ‘Shut your mouth kid’ T-shirts signed by Sounnie, the first copy of the Kaj Gorgels ‘Shut up already, fly rot‘-tear-off calendar, and last but not least: a real Carlito Feliz Navidad Christmas karaoke at your home. It was a pleasure, islanders.

Big smooch,

your Expedition Robinsnol.

Oh and, at many requests: just a recap of all the babbles. Heart at the bottom of this article if you're joining again next year!